The one thing Id change about myself is… Id like bigger eyes. Why did I inherit my mums big boobs and big feet but not her big eyes?
The best thing my parents taught me was… keep your voice down when youre walking home from the bus stop late at night, because people are trying to sleep. I know thats unimpressive, but literally everything else they told me turned out to be rubbish, so I remember this one because it was quite reasonable.
The last time I cried was… probably quite recently, either feeling beleaguered or reading something sad.
The first record I ever bought was… the soundtrack to the lm Thatll Be The Day.
Its not good for my image but I like… jump blues from the 40s and 50s R&B. I yell with delight if Im driving and a Wynonie Harris record comes on the radio.
My greatest weakness is… Im a slow thinker, and I get ustered when I have to speed up.
I drive… a Honda Jazz.
The shop I cant walk past is… any charity shop that sells books. I have to have a rule for myself – no more than four books bought at any one time.
The most expensive thing Ive ever splashed out on is… my at in Manchester.
The person Id like to play me in a film is… I always used to say Steve Pemberton, especially in The League Of Gentlemen. But then I met him and realised he was much better looking than me. So Ill have to go with Angelina Jolie.
The worst job Ive ever done is… I was once so broke I took a days work as an extra on John Irvings lm Robin Hood – the one that wasnt the Kevin Costner lm of the same year. I had to wear a nylon wimple and stand about for hours in a cold church waiting for the Merry Men to come and mug me. But at least I can say Ive made a lm with Uma Thurman – even if we were on different continents at the time.
My perfect Sunday is… just chilling.
My favourite place in Britain is… anywhere I can sit down and relax thats quiet and has a nice view.
My last holiday was… a week in the Peak District. It was back in 1995, because Ive subsequently realised Im not someone who likes going on holiday. Id rather stay put.
Im currently reading… various 1930s gardening books by a male writer called Beverley Nichols. Im not into gardening, and hes very twee, but theyre rather charming and funny, and he has an eye for a particularly dreadful sort of busybody woman that makes me laugh.
The best day of my life was… I remember thinking at the time it was when I was rst on Saturday Night Takeaway in February 2015, and people seemed to notice my existence for the rst time. It was still a very special experience.
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